unintentional drama queen

July 9, 2007 § Leave a comment

I had a big, sorry meltdown on Sunday. With many, many witnesses. Sigh.

From what I can tell (and I did do a bit of research when I got home, ’cause I was really freaked out), I had an asthma attack. Most of my symptoms were consistent with exercise-induced asthma (except that my heart rate was near the bottom of zone 1 where it should have been skyrocketing), and it definitely wasn’t the heart attack that I thought it was.

It terrified me. I have no history of breathing problems, and I’ve never had an attack like that. When my legs gave out on the hill and I stopped and fought to catch my breath, I thought I was done…I hobbled back down to the feed zone, convinced that I was going to keel over and die in front of everyone there (finally, I’d be in Cyclingnews!…except not exactly the way I’d pictured it). The worst part of it was that I knew how it must have looked to everyone — over the top drama. I mean, who rolls back off the course, asks for help getting off her bike, then sits in a chair in the feed zone gasping for five minutes after being dropped out of the frickin‘ gate, except someone fishing for attention? And how do you explain that you think you’re dying right there without looking like a bigger drama queen (especially when you’re, uh, not dying?)?

So I sat there until I could almost breathe again & then hauled myself back to my car, freaked out and embarrassed. And then I changed, pulled myself together & went back up to the feed zone instead of the medical tent (’cause I realized that if something was actually wrong, I didn’t want to know), to cheer for my teammates who didn’t get dropped on their ass (and hey, did anyone notice that one of them got top ten in the circuit race and all of them toughed it out like amazons? How fantastic is that?).

And I’m still a little freaked out, and a whole lot ashamed.

And yes, let the record show that several people did their bestest to talk me out of doing this race. I am nothing if not a completely pigheaded boob.


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