Lauren’s story reminded me…

March 29, 2007 § Leave a comment

As far as I know I have never worked with any swingers, but I am sure there’s a lot I don’t want to know about my colleagues’ personal lives. Everyone seems relatively mild-mannered (except for the occasional D.O.M. chortle to loosen up the office a bit), but you never know.

About three months after I first started working here, I tried to send a memo to everyone in the company. We had just switched IT companies and my computer had attracted a virus. We are a small business; fewer than twenty people throughout the U.S. Since there’s a lot of ground to cover with so few people the sales guys travel a lot, taking their little laptops and PDAs and working from hotel rooms and airport lounges. A virus on those laptops could be very, very bad.

When our quiet, shy, keeps-to-himself salesguy told me that there was a movie attached to my email my stomach dropped. I didn’t send a movie. When he whispered to me that it was a pornographic video I about crawled under my desk and died. Where could it have come from? Sure, I check out the occasional celebrity gossip site with slightly risque content, but I positively have never watched porn at work. Had someone else used my computer for illicit purposes? Had they sat at my desk after hours and…well, whapped it? What the hell was going on? There were only a few days remaining on my probationary period and I thought for sure I’d be canned.

Other people called to tell me that they also had a movie attachment, but that there was no content in the file, just a blank screen. I had no idea what to think or do. I went to the new IT company and asked them to look into it. They called our in-house IT manager with the verdict and she called me into her office and shut the door. “This is it,” I thought. I’d never been fired before and I was choking on my own heart.

She told me they had figured out what was wrong. I had a macrovirus on my computer; it would be an easy fix.

I was bright red. I really really didn’t want to ask, but I did. “Did they figure out where the video came from?”

She turned red. “The virus causes the computer to play the video that was most recently watched.”

Silence. Thought. Light bulb.

We turned redder. Our one shy, quiet, keeps-to-himself salesguy was watching porn on his company laptop.

We made the new IT guys explain the virus to him.

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