October 6, 2006 § Leave a comment
Hard for me to believe, but it’s been almost a year since I started this job. At first I’d planned to use it as an opportunity to gain some useful business skills. That may or may not have happened; I still don’t understand most of what goes on here, but I’m at least a little more familiar with the language, and I can tell you the basics of what makes a functional plane a very expensive paperweight.
I hate to admit it, but I think I’m getting complacent. This job does nothing for my soul, for my sense of self or for my desire to do something meaningful with my life. On the flip side, it doesn’t haunt me when I get home each day, it provides enough stability that I don’t feel desparate the last week of each month and I know I can go to the doctor if I really need to. So I suppose I’m a bit torn, but I don’t think I’m inclined to do much about it.
In the beginning I checked the job listings at Planned Parenthood and other organizations I wanted to work for a lot, trying to figure out how I could improve my resume & weasel my way into one of them. These days I don’t do anything along those lines…I guess all the complementary Starbucks has addled my little brain. Winter is my time for reflection, though, and I’m not feeling too hot about my personal impact on the world. I think I’ve got the first part down, to do no harm, but moving into an active role has always been hard for me. Maybe it stems from my natural shyness, or a fear of failure. Maybe I’m just lazy. Maybe someday I won’t care about the why and will break through into the how.