head case

October 3, 2006 § Leave a comment

The first few weeks without a race or anything significant to occupy my too-big capacity for panic were a little rough. What did I do before a big chunk of aluminum became the focus of my time?

Oh, right, school. Cross that one off the list.

So back to the real question — what do I do with myself for the month before I start training in earnest? But that’s not the real question, either. The real question is how do I relax?

That’s a toughie. My response to relaxation has always been to find something new to fill my time, but luckily I tend to keep busy enough that it isn’t an issue very often. If I’m not doing anything I can consider productive (getting sucked into the idiot box, for example)…well, my subconscious must consider feeling guilty & anxious “doing something.” Hm.

Sunday night I was once again sucked into the idiot box (my better half likes to have it on as white noise, but he can resist the siren call — for me it’s like a car wreck & I can’t help but sit & watch). This time, though, I took those complaints I always rack up about the messages certain programs send, the way that each show homogenizes a stepfordish society (despite the claims to wild, independent, spunky characters), and started writing them down. I’ve been reading a lot of my favorite magazine, new & back issues, and it seems to be the kick that has me moving a little closer to one thing I used to love to do in school & in solitude. The rest of the questions continue to swirl around taunting, but they seem a little more manageable, maybe because I feel a little more human. Or at least a little more relaxed.

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